Tomorrow marks the end of my thirteenth week of pregnancy and the beginning of my fourteenth. Depending on where you look, this means I have ended the first trimester and am not beginning the second. Onward, I say, because I cannot believe that I still have six months to go (due date is June 3). It seems like a lot can happen in six months. While I do not want to rush the time, I also just kind of want to get there already.
But the last three months — that is what I am here to talk about. I severely underestimated pregnancy. Or I severely overestimated myself in response to pregnancy. Either works. I spent most of September, October, and the first part of November consistently all-day sick. At a certain point, I became used to the nausea. What I struggled with were the headaches and eyesight problems and the hormonal depression. Frankly, I really did not feel good.
I am happy to say that around the week of Thanksgiving things picked up. I’m still getting sick, but maybe every couple of days now. On Saturday I had eyesight and headache problems, but with declining frequency. And most importantly, I feel like the depression I was in for most of September through November has lifted. I’m regularly anxious Ali again – ha!
But in all seriousness — feeling as down as I did in the first months of pregnancy was not something I expected at all. I know about post-natal depression, but depression during is not something that I knew anything about. Apparently, it is quite common. That helped. Honestly, it helped to tell myself “This isn’t you. This is your hormones doubling at warp speed.” It was still hard, but it allowed for some separation between myself and how I was feeling.
I’m not sure when exactly I began to feel like myself again, but I am still trying to keep an eye on it. I think working out regularly again helps. Not getting sick all the time has helped me keep a regular schedule — something I need to do for my anxiety, but I think also helped how low I was feeling. It is hard to feel ok when you are laying on the couch because one of your eyes is foggy and cannot focus, you have a headache, and every time you move you have to get sick. And while I love Ben and Jerry’s and buffalo chicken sandwiches from the local pizza place, I’m not sure having my diet revolve around them has contributed to a state of mental well-being either. Physically feeling better has helped me mentally and emotionally for sure.
I have gained more weight than what is “recommended” for the first trimester already. Starting a few weeks ago, I started seeing numbers on the scale I have never seen before and those numbers have consistently inched higher and higher. The other week I went into CrossFit and my coach (a female) mentioned my baby bump. I was super excited because I thought I was finally developing one and I was happy to have someone notice. That said, I’m not sure if it that is a baby bump or a Ben and Jerry’s bump. Probably a little bit of both!
On a more positive note — I’ve written about my struggles with insomnia on this blog before. I have had no problems sleeping since becoming pregnant. I sleep like the dead. I fall asleep instantly. I still sometimes wake up in the night, but I fall right back asleep and then proceed to oversleep. This confirms to me that my insomnia is probably hormonal. I know I’ll probably not be getting much sleep soon, so I appreciate all that I can get right now.
I’ll be providing an update on how running and crossfit are going sometime next week, but in the meantime I’m happy that I’m starting to get back on a regular schedule again. I’m grateful to be nearly-finished with my dissertation and do not feel so go-go-go right now, which helps because though I am feeling better, I still feel tired all the time. And most of all, I’m grateful to be starting a family.